lesson learned

i dont regret what i had, i think of it as an experience that i can learn from. i guess this is it. the end of something that i thought was good. but hey! everything happens for a reason. its still the beginning of my summer. i just need to take some time to heal, and i'll be good. im still young, and im about to be a freshmen in college. my moms right, they come and go. im glad i have my girls here to reassure me that everythings going to be ok. i know its going to be hard to let go. it breaks my heart to say goodbye, but its for the best. im still jumping into things. im still here, sitting and waiting to see what will happen next. new chapter? im done with chapter one. unfortunately... i need to be the strong independant girl that i was before all of this. if i can handle being on my own for so long before this, i can definitely handle being on my own again. its going to take some time to get used to it.. but things happen.. i can't complain as much as it sucks to let go of the one you gave your everything to..

LETDOWN

I got those lovesick blues
I feel it more than ever
Sinking in my chest like a ship in the blue, do do dodo
She was a drug I abused
I feel a rising fever
Shaking in my sleep left me broken and bruised, do do dodo

She said "you're just a let down,
Another one of my mistakes,
I never loved you anyway,
I never did and I never will..."
She said "you're just a let down,
All your friends,
They feel the same,
I never loved you anyway,
I never did and I never will"

basically.. ):

im really stuck in a sticky situation. i feel like an idiot and i dont know how to react or respond. im just lost right now. i have no idea what to do. do i just let go? its going to be hard for me. but sometimes letting go is whats best. this may be the end of the road. unfortunately. i just have one word, karma, i definitely believe in it. this sucks. caring for someone so much that it hurts. my heart really aches.. i just need to give a few days i guess.. let it all blow over.. australia is like a bittersweet escape for me. i dont know if i should leave or not. i dont want to regret it though. do i leave all my problems behind me and just leave? or do i stay having faith that it will all get better, but then again, what if i stay and it gets worse? then i just regret not leaving.. i reallly dont know what to do, like at all. i feel super clueless, stupid, dumb and an idiot. lying to myself these past few months, it really sucks.. i guess my moms right like always, they come and go so dont settle for anything.. sucks that i put all my faith in this and then i get disappointed.. but HEY! im getting carried away.. maybe this will all get better.. i really dont know at this point.. i'll just have to sit and wait.. maybe theres still gas left in our car. and we'll just keep going down this road.

Summer is a definite Bummer.

So its finally summer and it hasn't been all that great. This summer is supposed to be the ultimate summer. Hmm, all i've been doing is work, visiting cheer practice, some parties here and there, hanging out with my girls and my bf, but other than that, its been stay at home days for me. SUCKS. And what sucks even more is that my bf and I are car-less. At least he has a license, i still need to get mines. So its been hard, but we've been dealing with it i guess. Mann this song by Coco B's is really stuck in my head, Modern Lover, check it outt. Hmm, well on the bright side... i have my SFstate orientation this wednesday. Im super excited. My grandmama just paid $2084 for my first semester tuition. I better do good and make her proud. $2084 is no joke. Also, this saturday is warped tour!!! Finallly, ive been waiting for this for soo long. Hopefully Rbonney comes in time. She's thee best. Mann, i need to go down to LA soon. I miss my cousins, pinkberry, and shopping. OOH yeahh, im leaving for australia pretty sooon. I'm super excited. I plan there to be down under for about 3 weeks. Im excited to see my cousins, the best boys ever, and for the conference. Ahh! This is going to be a whole new experience for me, im volunteering this time. I can't waittt. Before i leave, i have this casting call for Hollister. I have no idea on what im going to be doing but its me and like 2 other girls going. Its going to be funn. I've been getting pretty close to my Hollister co workers. I've been hanging outt with these two fools Josh and Kris. They're pretty cool. Gahh, now that i've graduated... i don't feel any different. Maybe my first day in college, i'll then realize that im done with highschool for life. Haha, welll i have nothing else to blog aboutt so i'm going to go back to my stay at home monday. ERIKA and RESA sleep over tmoo! Watch out for our new vid blog coming out soon. I know everyone missed em, and don't worry James Andrews, you'll be in one sometime.. hehe.. BYE!