one word

GOODBYE!

ugh

why do i give a fuck so much, obviously it's not being reciprocated, this is super irritating, and maybe i just need stop before it gets too much. i'm so drained from EVERYTHING. this is taking so much energy from me. i gave up and passed up so much and i get nothing out of it. i'm just tired and uninspired. i feel like this is going no where, and we're standing on a thin rope, it's either we both try to hold on together, or we fall. and i feel like we're on the verge of falling. ughhhhhhhhh, goodbye. and this whole family thing is really getting to me.

inspired

well someone inspired to post a new blog. i haven't blogged in a really long time. i started a tumblr and maybe that's why i never go on this. well a lot has been going on this past month that i haven't blogged. i dont know where to start. ok, well i'm officially in college now, and it feels good. i love it ALOT. eveerything is pretty chill, it's really on the student to stay on top of their shit. and guess what? i fucked up already, twice! i got a 67.5% on my first midterm, and i procrastinated to take an online quiz, and it closed on me -__- fml. well hopefully i figure something outt. i need to stay on top of my shit or else GMA scholarship is outt the window. hmm, what else.. welll i just turned 18! finally legal, sheesh. i did a whole four day celebration. well more like 3 1/2. wednesday dinner thursday attempted club friday house partay saturday tellay. it was tons of fun. my friends from LA came up to celebrate with me. i barely spent time with them unfortunately. i only saw them at night. well that whole situation should be in a whole new blog. that whole birthday weekend needs to be in a different blog. it was cuuuuhrazzzy. anyways, my life is super duper complicated right now. idk what to do. it goes up, and then it goes down and then back around. im in such a confusing and complicated situation and i just want to get to the bottom of it all. i just need to be patient, and that's what i have been for 2 months already. mann.. whatevv. lets just say this is really causing broken hearts and i'm not just talking about mines ): well i am currently on the MAC as always, eating my bagel. today? idk. i need to finish a project with rose that's due tomorrow! and idk if john is still coming over to do his paper. and i still need to finish my 750 piece puzzle with jorsen baysac. today is such a nice day, hopefully i dont get called in for work. EFF work, making me take out my nose ring and shiiiz, no way jose, idk what i'm going to do. ahhh! heat wave, love it and hate it. kk see yah!!

his song

Resa Weessa,
never mean, real nice
made out of everything yummy, brown sugar, and spice
she says " im trying to get that education"
so she can get a good paying occupation
save a little loot for a nice vacation
she got right to it,
time is one thing she won't be wastin'
excuse me cute miss, would you please come with me?
SEE, you and i can be eachothers company.
ahh yes, that would be sublime
but for now im making chess moves,
taking it one day at a time
yes, the distance between is balistic
but to me, it doesn't seem to make a difference
miss, you got me feeling like a bird
tho im just a nerd.
some poetry may be good therapy
violets are blue
and i'll be too..
if you leave cause i just met you (:

COD

so i reallly don't get how to play call of duty. i get so frustrated everytime i try, lol. the boys play it like everyday and all i do is go on my lappy or fall asleep. this week was a pretty funn week. i went to the city 3 times this week. first time i met up with thee nemo, we went shopping and had sushi (: second time i went with alllll of my cousins, we had a feast at mcdonalds(i've been having it for 11 days in a row, but the chain is broken, finally) and we went to the opera house. third day was today. i went to the markets at glebe & paddington. they had heaps(hella in australian lingo) cuute stuff. gah, australian girls dress super nice. i bought a leather jacket and a cute purse. ive been spending alot of time with my cousins. they're so much funn. we went to paramatta(mall) last week and we ate sushi and max brenner(best belgian waffles w. choco) it was amazing. oooh yeah, and i also got a haircut, my hair looks healthier, AND i got my nose pierced! haha. my mom was right next to me. she watched the whole thing. my eyes were closed. it didnt hurt though. so now i have semi short hair and a nose studd (: i wanna switch it to the hoop though. hmm.. what else.. i was supposed to get chinese food with nemo today, but i ended up not going with him.. idk.. hmm, well tmo is sunday and i want to go to hillsong, best church ever, seriously.. kk, welll its almost dinner time and were eating dinner at home for a change. seeee yah later haters! like anybody reads this anywayss...

idk, seriously.

im super duper homesick, but a part of me doesn't want to go home. i don't want to face whatever is at home. this sucks. a part of me just wants to be away forever. conference had me thinking about ALOT. about life and what to do with it. but i seriously don't know what to do. maybe i just need more time away from home to get me really thinking. why do girls want what they can't have? i have something here that i know will be absolutely great for me in the long run, but stupid me i want what i don't completely have. i'm always in this situation. wellll, my mom's in australia now, and what i want to type down is not coming to me at the moment. so i'll have to get back at yah. 

its over

mannn, conference is over already. i had tons of funnn. it went by super duper fast. JAM and the night rallies were all very amazing and this whole week was another eye opener for me. gah, i do this every year. i get soo much out of conference, but once i get home, i don't really put it into action as much. i wish all my friends & family can experience hillsong conference. you get so much out of it. and you meet some of the most amazing and kindest people in the world. volunteering this year and not actually being a delegate was a whole new experience. i didnt really "volunteer" though. haha. my pass got me in anywhere and i got free meals everyday and i got a really cute shirt. haha. i got to meet up with my friend that i havent seen in a whole year. AND he let me borrow his sidekick while im down here. wellll. im currently at my cousins house and we are having our traditional sleepover after conference. im super tired thoughhh. im just trying to finish up this blog. oh man, im super full tooo. i had so much food this weeek. freee meals, mc donalds, apple pies & soft serves. i ate like all the time this week. mann, i need to start exercising when i get back. its only been a weeek and i miss my mom, my girls, and some other fool, jm (; i havent talked to my mom ever since ive been here. i miss her sooooo much. i wish she was here with me. gah, i need to shop. i want to buy a beanie and a new bag. the girls and guys here, especially people from hillsong are so fashionable and the way they dress is so hott. haha. i was surrounded by so many good looking people this week, lol. well im going to start watching borat now, i think this blog is getting too long. ttyl!