its over

mannn, conference is over already. i had tons of funnn. it went by super duper fast. JAM and the night rallies were all very amazing and this whole week was another eye opener for me. gah, i do this every year. i get soo much out of conference, but once i get home, i don't really put it into action as much. i wish all my friends & family can experience hillsong conference. you get so much out of it. and you meet some of the most amazing and kindest people in the world. volunteering this year and not actually being a delegate was a whole new experience. i didnt really "volunteer" though. haha. my pass got me in anywhere and i got free meals everyday and i got a really cute shirt. haha. i got to meet up with my friend that i havent seen in a whole year. AND he let me borrow his sidekick while im down here. wellll. im currently at my cousins house and we are having our traditional sleepover after conference. im super tired thoughhh. im just trying to finish up this blog. oh man, im super full tooo. i had so much food this weeek. freee meals, mc donalds, apple pies & soft serves. i ate like all the time this week. mann, i need to start exercising when i get back. its only been a weeek and i miss my mom, my girls, and some other fool, jm (; i havent talked to my mom ever since ive been here. i miss her sooooo much. i wish she was here with me. gah, i need to shop. i want to buy a beanie and a new bag. the girls and guys here, especially people from hillsong are so fashionable and the way they dress is so hott. haha. i was surrounded by so many good looking people this week, lol. well im going to start watching borat now, i think this blog is getting too long. ttyl!

finallllly

so i finallly made it to australia. it is about 1130 in the afternoon. i got here at around 630am. there were tons of people at the airport, but i found my cousins thru the crowd. all ive done so far is eat hot dogs, and now im super full, and watch them play call of duty. i reallly dont get how to play it. haha. so much things going on. lol. welll im super excited for my stay here. i cant wait for conference. its going to be soo much funn. gahh its super coldd here. im getting the chills. haha. welll im going to tweet more cuus iuuuno what else to do. ahh, im about to eat a popsicle and its freezinggg. haha.

australian getaway

wellll in a couple of hours i will hopefully be on a plane to the best place in the worldd, Australia. i cant wait to see my favorite boys. this will be my official getaway from everything. im super duper excited, for conference, our sleepovers, city adventures and everythinggg. i hope this time i get to hang out with this really awesome guy, if he's still willing to hanggg. haha. mann, so this weeek went by fasttt, thank God. so much has been going on. ahhh, super out of no where. but he thats how life is. it surprises you when you least expect it. im just doing my own thing, and looking foward and not backk. anywaysss.. so lately i havent been having much of an appetite. and if i do eat something, i get full easily. i hope my eating habbits stay this way. haha. cuus now i dont crave fast food. oooh mann. conference week, i'll be eating soo much fast food. guuuhreat. haha. mann. im going to miss my girls. they are theee bestttt. i hope they dont have too much funn without me. what else.. hmm.. i went to the city with matt the other day. it was soo much funn. i watched him shop. all i bought was a friendship bracelet with him. haha. it took my mind off of alot of stuff. we watched my sisters keeper. it was soo sadd. it hella made me realize that there are bigger problems outt there and i cant really dwell on mines cus people have it harder than me. thats why im in such a positive attitude right now. haha. not really worrying about anything. haha. ooh mann, and last tuesday i went to this hollister/abercrombie casting ccall. it was intense, all i did was get interviewed and took pictures. its a possibility that i can be on the huge posters and bags, haha. too badd im going against thousands of beautiful tall blonde/brunette skinny biotches, lol.. hmmm.. welll i think i should go take some laps around my neighborhood. i've gotta stay in shape. no more cheer or dance to keep me fittt. kk. wellll probably the next time i'm going to update this is in australia, yay yay yay!

lesson learned

i dont regret what i had, i think of it as an experience that i can learn from. i guess this is it. the end of something that i thought was good. but hey! everything happens for a reason. its still the beginning of my summer. i just need to take some time to heal, and i'll be good. im still young, and im about to be a freshmen in college. my moms right, they come and go. im glad i have my girls here to reassure me that everythings going to be ok. i know its going to be hard to let go. it breaks my heart to say goodbye, but its for the best. im still jumping into things. im still here, sitting and waiting to see what will happen next. new chapter? im done with chapter one. unfortunately... i need to be the strong independant girl that i was before all of this. if i can handle being on my own for so long before this, i can definitely handle being on my own again. its going to take some time to get used to it.. but things happen.. i can't complain as much as it sucks to let go of the one you gave your everything to..

LETDOWN

I got those lovesick blues
I feel it more than ever
Sinking in my chest like a ship in the blue, do do dodo
She was a drug I abused
I feel a rising fever
Shaking in my sleep left me broken and bruised, do do dodo

She said "you're just a let down,
Another one of my mistakes,
I never loved you anyway,
I never did and I never will..."
She said "you're just a let down,
All your friends,
They feel the same,
I never loved you anyway,
I never did and I never will"

basically.. ):

im really stuck in a sticky situation. i feel like an idiot and i dont know how to react or respond. im just lost right now. i have no idea what to do. do i just let go? its going to be hard for me. but sometimes letting go is whats best. this may be the end of the road. unfortunately. i just have one word, karma, i definitely believe in it. this sucks. caring for someone so much that it hurts. my heart really aches.. i just need to give a few days i guess.. let it all blow over.. australia is like a bittersweet escape for me. i dont know if i should leave or not. i dont want to regret it though. do i leave all my problems behind me and just leave? or do i stay having faith that it will all get better, but then again, what if i stay and it gets worse? then i just regret not leaving.. i reallly dont know what to do, like at all. i feel super clueless, stupid, dumb and an idiot. lying to myself these past few months, it really sucks.. i guess my moms right like always, they come and go so dont settle for anything.. sucks that i put all my faith in this and then i get disappointed.. but HEY! im getting carried away.. maybe this will all get better.. i really dont know at this point.. i'll just have to sit and wait.. maybe theres still gas left in our car. and we'll just keep going down this road.

Summer is a definite Bummer.

So its finally summer and it hasn't been all that great. This summer is supposed to be the ultimate summer. Hmm, all i've been doing is work, visiting cheer practice, some parties here and there, hanging out with my girls and my bf, but other than that, its been stay at home days for me. SUCKS. And what sucks even more is that my bf and I are car-less. At least he has a license, i still need to get mines. So its been hard, but we've been dealing with it i guess. Mann this song by Coco B's is really stuck in my head, Modern Lover, check it outt. Hmm, well on the bright side... i have my SFstate orientation this wednesday. Im super excited. My grandmama just paid $2084 for my first semester tuition. I better do good and make her proud. $2084 is no joke. Also, this saturday is warped tour!!! Finallly, ive been waiting for this for soo long. Hopefully Rbonney comes in time. She's thee best. Mann, i need to go down to LA soon. I miss my cousins, pinkberry, and shopping. OOH yeahh, im leaving for australia pretty sooon. I'm super excited. I plan there to be down under for about 3 weeks. Im excited to see my cousins, the best boys ever, and for the conference. Ahh! This is going to be a whole new experience for me, im volunteering this time. I can't waittt. Before i leave, i have this casting call for Hollister. I have no idea on what im going to be doing but its me and like 2 other girls going. Its going to be funn. I've been getting pretty close to my Hollister co workers. I've been hanging outt with these two fools Josh and Kris. They're pretty cool. Gahh, now that i've graduated... i don't feel any different. Maybe my first day in college, i'll then realize that im done with highschool for life. Haha, welll i have nothing else to blog aboutt so i'm going to go back to my stay at home monday. ERIKA and RESA sleep over tmoo! Watch out for our new vid blog coming out soon. I know everyone missed em, and don't worry James Andrews, you'll be in one sometime.. hehe.. BYE!

L I F E

well i haven't updated this in a while, so a lot has been going on. last weekend was senior ball. it was perfect. my date was fun, and i had a great time. the after prom was funn too. me and my girls got a loft type of room at the residents inn foster city. the room was huge, and it was next to kc's. i got prettty messed up, but i don't care. it was MY senior ball so i don't care if other people talk smack. the morning after was not soo good. i woke up with a tummy and head ache. i didn't feel like eating at all. but my bf kept forcing me to drink water, which i must say helped a lot. after that, john and i ate at wingstop. yummm, im craving some right now actually. hehe. then that following monday was senior cut day. it was a lot of fun. i woke up late, but i still made it in time for a huge bbq. there were so many people there, it was amazing, hehe. and last week was dance show week as well. i can't believe its over. i'm going to miss dance a lot. i never thought that i would care so much about it, especially since i was just in dance one last year. advanced dance is something i'll never forget. it was one of the best experiences of my high school career. after dance show, it was relay for life, which is my senior project. a 24 hour relay. so worth it. i had a really cool senior project. im glad i did it. the sleeping over was fun. especially since the relay happened on a really hot weekend. after relay for life, my mom and i took my ate mitchelle to the city. we went shopping and ate at cheesecake factory. its non stop shopping for me, i swear. its a really bad yet good habit of mine. i didn't get shopaholic for no reason. hehe. now its monday, and i didn't go to school. i was too lazy. i'm still working on my portfolio and presentation for senior project. once i'm done with this. i'm done with highschool! yaaaay! 2 and half more weeks left. its super bittersweet. i'm going to miss my highshool life. it was a huge part of me. but now its time for me to grow up and go out into the real world. the world of a college student. i need to become more independent. i'm so excited for the life after highschool. i still don't know where i'm going to go. most likely SFstate, gah, even though i don't want to. welll, its time for me to start on my senior project shat, hopefully i'll update soon, not like anyone reads this shit.